Lately, I've been thinking about wanting, wishing and waiting. I guess these are things I usually think about around Christmas time while I bask in the glow of the lights from my tree but tonight feels different. Maybe tonight is different because some of my favorite people are wanting things they don't have and the waiting feels impossible - or impossibly hard and incredibly painful.
We all know about the attack of the "wants" (that's called greed) but sometimes (or most of the time) many people (myself included) confuse a want and a need. Need = essential, cannot live without. Want = everything else. We cannot live without oxygen, water and food. I will also classify shelter and clothing as needs. Seriously friends, everything else is like a bonus...a blessing. I guess I don't actually need coffee BUT it sure feels like I need it (and technically it falls into the food/beverage category - right?!)
So what about wishing? When I was little, I vividly remember looking out my bedroom window at night and wishing on the first star I saw. My wish was usually one of a few things - a new My Little Pony, a new Barbie or some other toy I didn't need but wanted. I frequently catch myself saying "I wish I....". But what does that mean? Wishing implies that we don't believe Someone (God) has a plan and that the universe (karma) will take better care of us. That's just not true.
And waiting...sometimes "waiting" feels like it should be spelled (or uttered) w@!%&$g. I'm not a patient person. I don't know very many truly patient people. However, waiting is good for us...blech, I can't believe I just said that. Waiting is good for ME - that's even harder to type!! Waiting helps me distinguish the wants from the needs. Waiting helps me remember to talk to God about the things I'm wishing for...that's called prayer! And, when I remember to talk to God, I have to listen some too...and I realize that those wishes aren't always part of His plan.
Earlier this week, my brother asked me why I want to adopt and I started crying before I could start to answer his question. (For the record, my brother is totally on board with getting a niece or nephew and has been wonderfully supportive about my plan to adopt! He didn't mean to start the waterworks.) I started crying because the reason is emotional...I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. The deepest desire of my heart is to be a mommy. Yes, my plan to become a single mom - by choice - is unconventional. Yes, it will be the hardest thing I've ever done. Yes, it's scary and exciting all at the same time. But I didn't just wish to be a mom. No, I talked to God about this for almost 3 years. I wrestled over this decision and have had complete peace about moving forward.
And now I wait.
My home study is next Tuesday - only a few days away! Am I ready? Not. Even. Close. After the home study paperwork is complete (~6 weeks), then I will officially activate with the agency. Therefore, my official response to "when will you get a baby?" is "sometime after the middle of February." No, I can't be more specific. No, I don't have an estimate (I could guess though). Yes, not knowing is hard. The not knowing and not being able to plan ahead are probably the hardest part of this process for me...I like to have a plan for what's next and know when that plan will be executed. God has given me peace but I forget to claim it as mine and experience it. So, I keep talking with Him about it.
How does all of this tie in with Christmas? In some ways, it doesn't. But, in many ways, it does...at least in my head. If you want to know, ask me.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Holding Pattern
Planes circling the runway, burning fuel, waiting for the chance to land, nervous passengers becoming more anxious by the moment...a holding pattern. That's where I'm at. I'm in a holding pattern with my adoption process. Things are moving forward but only because days are passing...not because there's anything I can do right now. I guess that's not totally true - I've been completing paperwork, installing wood laminate floor, enjoying Thanksgiving with my family and praying (lots!). My home study class is coming up on Friday, my home study will happen before Christmas and then the true waiting begins.
The home study paperwork takes the agency around 6 weeks to complete and finalize. After that, I'll "activate" with the agency and begin my lesson in learning the true meaning of patience. I hope I'll be a momma sometime in 2012 but it could be longer. I believe and trust that God will send my baby in His perfect timing, but I know there will be days that I forget to practice patience. My desire through this process has been to experience it...not wish myself towards the next step.
God has been teaching me so much about His love for His adopted children (all of us!) and the power of simple prayers. He has woken me up from a sound sleep with a message for a hurting friend (for those who don't know, this is a God-sized challenge...my friends have voted me most likely to wake up in a tree after a tornado), He has urged me to pray and pray and pray for dear friends who experienced a miscarriage, and He has been teaching me about sacrifice and selflessness.
One of the ways God has been teaching me about selflessness is through one of the ladies in my small group...Michele wrote (and illustrated) a great children's book and has offered a generous monetary gift (based on her book sales) to help with my adoption expenses. If you are interested in info on purchasing a copy, please let me know! The books are only $14.99 and will make a wonderful Christmas gift. I am honored that Michele is part of my baby's adoption story!
Thinking about my baby's adoption story makes me realize just how many people already love this little one...s/he already has a community of family, friends and playmates, all of whom are excited about his/her arrival! I know single parenthood will be the hardest thing I've ever done but I couldn't ask for a better support system! Yes, I will need people to help me...but I've already received more promised assistance than I could have imagined. This is such an encouragement to me!
As we enter the Christmas season, may we all be blessed with the peace of Christ and His desire to draw us closer to Him.
The home study paperwork takes the agency around 6 weeks to complete and finalize. After that, I'll "activate" with the agency and begin my lesson in learning the true meaning of patience. I hope I'll be a momma sometime in 2012 but it could be longer. I believe and trust that God will send my baby in His perfect timing, but I know there will be days that I forget to practice patience. My desire through this process has been to experience it...not wish myself towards the next step.
God has been teaching me so much about His love for His adopted children (all of us!) and the power of simple prayers. He has woken me up from a sound sleep with a message for a hurting friend (for those who don't know, this is a God-sized challenge...my friends have voted me most likely to wake up in a tree after a tornado), He has urged me to pray and pray and pray for dear friends who experienced a miscarriage, and He has been teaching me about sacrifice and selflessness.
One of the ways God has been teaching me about selflessness is through one of the ladies in my small group...Michele wrote (and illustrated) a great children's book and has offered a generous monetary gift (based on her book sales) to help with my adoption expenses. If you are interested in info on purchasing a copy, please let me know! The books are only $14.99 and will make a wonderful Christmas gift. I am honored that Michele is part of my baby's adoption story!
Thinking about my baby's adoption story makes me realize just how many people already love this little one...s/he already has a community of family, friends and playmates, all of whom are excited about his/her arrival! I know single parenthood will be the hardest thing I've ever done but I couldn't ask for a better support system! Yes, I will need people to help me...but I've already received more promised assistance than I could have imagined. This is such an encouragement to me!
As we enter the Christmas season, may we all be blessed with the peace of Christ and His desire to draw us closer to Him.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
The Timeline
First, a HUGE thank you for all of the support and encouragement I've received so far! I don't have words to describe how much I appreciate each and every sweet comment, congratulatory hug and all of the shared excitement!
I've had several questions about where I'm at in this process so I thought this would be a great time to try to answer those questions for everyone :)
I have had 2 meetings at the adoption agency, the first was an info session and the second was an office interview. I've filled out a little bit of paperwork and have more that I'm working on. And, I've been fingerprinted for my background check (yes, I'm sure it will come back clean :)). I will be attending a home study class in December and will have my home study before Christmas. The home study report takes around 6 weeks to be completed. This means I'll be able to "activate" with the agency in February (activating means that I can be selected by a birth mom) and I will most likely bring my baby home in 2012. Obviously, there are a lot of details involved in this process that I've not included here.
Yes, there are financial risks in adoption but my agency works hard to minimize this through their work with the birth moms. Yes, there are legal risks but it's part of the process. No, I can't specify a preference on the gender of my baby...I truly believe that God will send me exactly who I'm meant to receive.
Soooo, that's where I'm at in the process. After my home study is completed, I will begin applying for various adoption grants. Funding for the grants is limited so the chances of receiving a grant is low but it's zero if I don't apply. I have lots of ideas on how people can help with raising the $$ for the adoption...if you're interested in helping, please let me know. I dislike that much of the adoption process is tainted with financial needs but I am trusting God to provide all of my needs (and those of my future baby). Already, I have experienced a deeper closeness with God and a desire to draw closer to Him.
Thanks again to everyone for all of the encouragement, love and support!!
I've had several questions about where I'm at in this process so I thought this would be a great time to try to answer those questions for everyone :)
I have had 2 meetings at the adoption agency, the first was an info session and the second was an office interview. I've filled out a little bit of paperwork and have more that I'm working on. And, I've been fingerprinted for my background check (yes, I'm sure it will come back clean :)). I will be attending a home study class in December and will have my home study before Christmas. The home study report takes around 6 weeks to be completed. This means I'll be able to "activate" with the agency in February (activating means that I can be selected by a birth mom) and I will most likely bring my baby home in 2012. Obviously, there are a lot of details involved in this process that I've not included here.
Yes, there are financial risks in adoption but my agency works hard to minimize this through their work with the birth moms. Yes, there are legal risks but it's part of the process. No, I can't specify a preference on the gender of my baby...I truly believe that God will send me exactly who I'm meant to receive.
Soooo, that's where I'm at in the process. After my home study is completed, I will begin applying for various adoption grants. Funding for the grants is limited so the chances of receiving a grant is low but it's zero if I don't apply. I have lots of ideas on how people can help with raising the $$ for the adoption...if you're interested in helping, please let me know. I dislike that much of the adoption process is tainted with financial needs but I am trusting God to provide all of my needs (and those of my future baby). Already, I have experienced a deeper closeness with God and a desire to draw closer to Him.
Thanks again to everyone for all of the encouragement, love and support!!
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Join the Rollercoaster Ride...if you dare
I've finally decided to join the world of blogging with the goal of chronicling (wow! that's actually a word - I didn't make it up!) the newest ride in the rollercoaster of my life.
I love rollercoasters...well, most of them. I love the anticipation of climbing to the top of a tall, steep hill and then plummeting toward the bottom of said hill as the scream gets sucked out of my lungs and the wind blows in my face. I love the corkscrew turns and loop-de-loop upside down parts. I love the rides that are fast but smooth. I don't think I've stepped onto one of those rides...
Adoption. Yes, you read that correctly :) After months (years) of thinking and praying about adoption, I've decided to pursue an adoption. I'm excited, scared and trying to experience each part of this journey. Originally, I wasn't going to tell very many people about my decision, but that didn't happen (hence the creation of this blog) so here are the basics of where I'm at in the process:
~ I'm adopting an infant - local, domestic adoption. My birth mom will probably reside in Indiana. I'm going through a local agency.
~ Yes, I'm adopting as a single parent...yes, I'm also aware that this will be the hardest thing I've ever done!
~ I have spent hours in prayer over this and have experienced the peace only God can give in the decision
~ I am aware that there will be some people who think I'm crazy for doing this
~ I know my life will be forever changed
My journey towards adoption was influenced and impacted by SO many people! I have been blessed to experience the truth that "family" is not limited to biological relatives. In addition to my parents, my local "family" consists of 3 families who have encouraged and supported one another through the joys and struggles of life. The Berry's, McGee's and Goerges' and I have loved, laughed, cried and prayed for and with one another for the past 6+ years of "doing life." My Crosspoint family (iamcrosspoint.com) has been an instrumental part of this decision as we've participated in God's plan for a community of Christ followers.
There is also a very special little boy who has influenced this decision. Precious Jude spent 67 days with his parents and went home to Jesus last night. I never met this sweet baby but I know his momma from college. Reading about his journey (www.mandypelton.blogspot.com) touched my heart. I haven't been able to put into words exactly how/why Jude's story contributed to my decision to adopt but he will always be part of my adoption journey.
Several people have asked how I'm able to afford adoption...honestly, I can't. I'm making sacrifices to save wherever I can but I'm trusting God to provide financially for the baby He has for me. My employer has an adoption reimbursement program so part of my adoption will be covered. Also, a very generous friend from Crosspoint has written a children's book and has asked that I accept a very generous gift from her. Stay tuned for info on purchasing a copy of the book - it is a great book and will be available before Christmas (gift idea...hint, hint)! I have ideas for other fundraisers and things I can make that someone might want to buy but I'll save those for another post.
And, that's all she wrote...at least for today :)
I love rollercoasters...well, most of them. I love the anticipation of climbing to the top of a tall, steep hill and then plummeting toward the bottom of said hill as the scream gets sucked out of my lungs and the wind blows in my face. I love the corkscrew turns and loop-de-loop upside down parts. I love the rides that are fast but smooth. I don't think I've stepped onto one of those rides...
Adoption. Yes, you read that correctly :) After months (years) of thinking and praying about adoption, I've decided to pursue an adoption. I'm excited, scared and trying to experience each part of this journey. Originally, I wasn't going to tell very many people about my decision, but that didn't happen (hence the creation of this blog) so here are the basics of where I'm at in the process:
~ I'm adopting an infant - local, domestic adoption. My birth mom will probably reside in Indiana. I'm going through a local agency.
~ Yes, I'm adopting as a single parent...yes, I'm also aware that this will be the hardest thing I've ever done!
~ I have spent hours in prayer over this and have experienced the peace only God can give in the decision
~ I am aware that there will be some people who think I'm crazy for doing this
~ I know my life will be forever changed
My journey towards adoption was influenced and impacted by SO many people! I have been blessed to experience the truth that "family" is not limited to biological relatives. In addition to my parents, my local "family" consists of 3 families who have encouraged and supported one another through the joys and struggles of life. The Berry's, McGee's and Goerges' and I have loved, laughed, cried and prayed for and with one another for the past 6+ years of "doing life." My Crosspoint family (iamcrosspoint.com) has been an instrumental part of this decision as we've participated in God's plan for a community of Christ followers.
There is also a very special little boy who has influenced this decision. Precious Jude spent 67 days with his parents and went home to Jesus last night. I never met this sweet baby but I know his momma from college. Reading about his journey (www.mandypelton.blogspot.com) touched my heart. I haven't been able to put into words exactly how/why Jude's story contributed to my decision to adopt but he will always be part of my adoption journey.
Several people have asked how I'm able to afford adoption...honestly, I can't. I'm making sacrifices to save wherever I can but I'm trusting God to provide financially for the baby He has for me. My employer has an adoption reimbursement program so part of my adoption will be covered. Also, a very generous friend from Crosspoint has written a children's book and has asked that I accept a very generous gift from her. Stay tuned for info on purchasing a copy of the book - it is a great book and will be available before Christmas (gift idea...hint, hint)! I have ideas for other fundraisers and things I can make that someone might want to buy but I'll save those for another post.
And, that's all she wrote...at least for today :)
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