Lies that moms believe

I was going to title this blog post "Lies that new moms believe," but in conversations with several friends/moms this week, I realized that it's not only new moms who battle against lies.  I think these lies would also apply to dads, but since I’m not a guy I can’t pretend to understand how their minds work J

Being a parent is hard work - period.  No matter how your child came into your life, being a mom is one of the most challenging jobs that anyone could have.  Even before I was matched with Daniel's birth parents, I started asking God to prepare me for the child He had chosen for me.  After bringing Daniel home, I've been praying for God to help me raise my son to be a Jesus follower.  Friends, satan doesn't like it when parents pray this way and take action to follow through on those prayers.  Satan is a liar and he is sneaky.  I've only been a mom for a few months so this is by no means an exhaustive list but these are the lies that I've recently recognized:

1. Comparison/insecurity - satan wants moms to believe that they're doing something wrong when their baby/child doesn't ________ (sleep through the night, meet developmental milestones early, get straight A’s, etc).  I've been battling this lie - a lot!  God didn't ask me to be Super Mom - He chose me to be Daniel's mom and do the best I can.  I'm tired so it's hard for me to know that other babies are sleeping through the night when Daniel still gets up once or twice.  I've asked God to help me treasure those nighttime feedings and snuggles instead of being frustrated/annoyed that we're still getting up at night.  He is answering this prayer but I fight the lie that I'm doing something wrong every. single. day.  I know this battle will continue and I will need God to help me fight the lie.  Thankfully, God has been speaking Truth into my heart through several family members, friends and co-workers who have encouraged me (out of the blue) over the past several weeks.

2. Bitterness - sadly, this is an easy lie for me to believe.  It's easy to have bitterness and believe the lie that other moms have it all together or have "perfect" babies.  It's hard to rejoice with friends who are getting rest or who are able to keep up with their laundry or who can put together stylish outfits for work.  God is helping me dig out the root of bitterness that satan is trying to plant in my heart.  He is also helping me to see the real person and not the facade that we often present to the world.  And, just in case there is anyone wondering, there is a pile of laundry on my kitchen table - some folded, some not - and I'm thankful that I manage to get dressed in clean, work-appropriate clothes Monday through Friday :)

3. Competition - similar to the lie of comparison, satan would like us to believe that we're competing against other parents.  Parenting was not designed to be a competition over who can have the best or most successful child.  Really, it wasn't!  Social media hasn't helped.  We are bombarded with lies that someone else is beating us in the competition formerly known as parenting.  Reality tv isn't real, Facebook/Twitter only reveals the parts of life we choose to share, and Pinterest is creating higher and higher standards of "perfection."  I don’t think it’s bad that social media has a role in our lives but God doesn't call us to have a Pinterest-worthy-picture-perfect-life.  As parents, He asks us to rely on Him as we raise the child(ren) He has chosen for us. 

When I was in college, my mentor shared a great idea on how to figure out if a thought was a lie.  It’s such an easy concept but it has worked well for me (when I remember to do it) – add “in Jesus name” to the end of the thought.  Here are a few examples “I’m failing as a mom because my baby won’t sleep…in Jesus name.” “Someone else could be his mom better than me…in Jesus name.” Without those three little words, these thoughts are sneaky, mean lies that satan tries to get me to believe.  BUT, when I can remember to test the truth of those thoughts, it’s easy to see they aren’t true. 

So, whether you’re a tired, hard-working mom of a baby or a tired, hard-working mom of a teenager, let’s band together and encourage one another.  Let’s pray for one another and remember that we can battle against the lies with the Truth that God offers.   

The Secret Sigh of Relief

Right now, all across the globe, there are women breathing a sigh of relief. 

Why? 

Because it's the day after Mother's Day and they made it through another year.  Think you don't know one of these women?

You're wrong. 

I guarantee that there is at least one woman in your life who is glad Mother's Day is over.  These women are your sisters, friends, neighbors and co-workers.  This sigh of relief is often kept silent and follows a day that is torture to many women because they don't have what so many take for granted.  Women who miss their moms, women who desperately want to be a mom but can't get pregnant, women who have lost their precious babies without getting to hold them, women who have said goodbye to their babies as they've entered the arms of Jesus.  For them, Mother's Day isn't all sunshine and rainbows.  Sometimes it's a day that they force themselves to survive. 

It's okay to let out a sigh of relief because you've gotten through another year.  I pray that you will be able to experience God's comfort for your aching heart.

He hears the cries of your heart. 

You are not forgotten.

Early experiences in single parenting - from the trenches

I didn't realize it's been SO long since my last blog post!  I was just getting ready to meet a birth couple who chose me from the bios that the agency gave them.  I'm still amazed at how God worked through the timing of that situation - this couple received my bio the week after my first placement fell through.  The agency prefers that birth moms are close to the third trimester before they meet with an adoptive family and this couple continued to choose me through their wait.  A few months later, I was honored with the privledge of assisting Daniel's birthmom in his delivery.  It was beautiful!  The story belongs to Daniel - it is his story afterall - but I will share that it was amazing and I cried as I watched him enter the world and held his birthmom's hand as we both looked at him for the first time.

Daniel Jude entered the world on December 7th, 2012, weighing in at 7lbs, 7oz and was 21.5 inches long (the boy had a HUGE conehead!).  The nurses who took care of Daniel and his birthmom were incredible!  Several of them stopped to see him before the end of their shifts so they could tell me how much they enjoyed being part of his delivery and care.  One nurse was in tears over our story and the wonderfulness of Daniel's birthmom.  And, let me tell you - she is amazing and brave and strong.

Our first few weeks at home went well - for the most part.  Daniel is definitely an easy baby but there were some days when I just couldn't figure out how to make him happy.  I had to call in reinforcements (Mimi - aka Grandma).  I was tired but functioning.  And then I went back to work.

I did okay during my first week back.

And then I wasn't okay.

I didn't realize how much less sleep I would be getting when I went back to work.  It wasn't having my sleep interrupted but that the amount was significantly less because I had to get up earlier and couldn't nap when Daniel was asleep.  I'm pretty sure my co-workers would agree with me when I say that it was bad. The tiredness was complicated by Daniel and I both getting a cold - not surprising since I work at a children's hospital and he was exposed to all sorts of new germs at daycare.  One particularly tearful day, my manager told me to go home and take a nap.  So I did.  Another particularly tearful day, a friend told me that she was going to spend the night at my home and get up with Daniel so I could get some rest.  I could have kissed her face.  I have cried so many "tired tears" in the past few months that I'm surprised I didn't get dehydrated (good thing I keep a glass of water by the bed because sometimes you need some water in the middle of the night or you will surely die).

I knew being a parent would be the hardest thing I've ever done - I was right.  I truly believe that there is a reason babies don't remember these early months: it is because they don't need the memory of their parents sobbing in the middle of the night because they spit up - again! - or act hungry but won't eat, or won't sleep at 2am.  It is also so they don't remember the crazy lady (formerly known as Momma) who appears at 1am and is so frustrated that she yells.  Yep, friends, that was me.  And, based on what I am sure is a very reliable review of Google, I am not alone.

Through all of this, I kept loving on Daniel and was intentional about bonding with him.  Until I went back to work, I gave him almost all of his bottles and changed almost all of his diapers (I think Mimi got to give a bottle or two).  I snuggled him as he fell asleep and prayed over him.  I talked to him and played (as much as you can play with an infant).  Bonding is critical in the lives of adoptive families and will always be a part of my parenting habits.  To someone who isn't familiar with adoption, it may seem like I'm being stingy with my baby or that I don't trust others to do something for him.  This is not true.  I didn't have the opportunity to carry my son in my uterus, so he had to learn my heartbeat after he was born.  He didn't know my voice before he was born, so it's important that I talk to him.

The first time he smiled at me - I mean REALLY smiled - was wonderful.  Daniel looks for me if he hears my voice.  He laughs when I talk to him and I know where he's especially ticklish.  His smiles and giggles have helped me get through the hard days.  That and knowing that we are prayed for and loved - very loved.  I'm learning to ask for help sooner rather than later.  I'm figuring out what the reality of our day-to-day life is going to look like (moderately managed chaos) and, on the really tough days, I thank God for choosing me to be Daniel's mom and ask Him to sustain me.