Embracing Life - My Messy Beautiful

Whenever we embrace a set of circumstances that are different from someone sees as "normal", people wonder how we get through each day.  And, really, what's "normal"? I chose single parenthood and I've only regretted it a few times and not at all in the past 6 months since Daniel has been sleeping through the night.  My circumstances aren't that unique - there are lots of single parents who trudge through rock the single parenting gig.  Did they all sign up for single parenting?  Nope.  Is that okay?  Yep.

I'm regularly asked "how do you do it?"  I regularly respond "I don't."  It's true - I never even make a dent in the to-do list of life.  So, what do I do?  I do everything that other parents do.  (Side note - I'm giggling at the number of times "do" appears in those few sentences.  do-do  hee-hee :) Seriously, can you say "do-do" without wanting to smile/giggle?)  I cook and do laundry and clean every once in awhile.  My mom helps with dishes and laundry on the day she watches Daniel.  I feed the dog.  I go to work and manage to get both of us out the door relatively on time, appropriately clothed and with lunches.  I read books and play outside and give baths and wipe tears and change diapers.  I tell him "no" to some things (playing in the dog's water bowl - a.g.a.i.n) and "yes" to some things (reading the same book 100 times in one day)  I give hugs and kisses and tickle his tummy.  I hand my crying toddler over to his daycare providers and try not to cry as I walk out the door. 

Want to know what I don't do?  I don't try to get everything done.  I don't make a "to-do" list because it's too long and overwhelming to see it all written down.  I don't get dishes done every night.  I don't get the toys and books picked up every day.  I don't to do this alone - I have a community of family and friends who are willing to help.

Want to know what I'm trying not to do?  I'm trying not to let loneliness and depression steal the moments of joy I have with my son.  I'm trying to stop comparing my life to the lives of the people around me.  I'm trying not to get overwhelmed but it happens on most days.  I'm trying not to mess up too bad as a parent. 

And that's enough. I love my life.  It's hard and I often love it through tears, but I love it.  Life isn't supposed to be perfect - it's supposed to be messy. And my messy is beautiful.

http://momastery.com/carry-on-warrior

A united front - my thoughts on "mom shaming"

Why are we so mean to one another? Who cares if some moms like to throw "Pinterest worthy" parties? Who cares if some moms like to throw super simple parties? Does it matter if some moms get makeup on every day and some don't? 

Where does the "mom shaming" come from? What makes us do this?  Why are we so quick to judge one another for things that, ultimately, don't matter?

Sadly, I have been guilty of this and am trying to stop.  I can tell you that my criticism of fellow moms comes from insecurity and fear of failure. Know what? We're all scared shitless that we're going to mess up these little people who have been entrusted to us. Do you want to throw a birthday party for your kid filled with lots of decorations and activities? That's awesome!! I can't do it. Well, I probably could, I just don't want to. And that's awesome too!

After having an epic meltdown because I overwhelmed by a bunch of little things, my little guy spent the night with his grandparents and I was able to get a really good night's sleep. We met for dinner the next evening so I could pick him up and, as we were leaving, I saw another mom of a toddler with "the look." In case you're not familiar with "the look," it's an expression of exhaustion mingled with defeat. I'm pretty sure "the look" is on my face quite a bit. I said a little prayer for this mom and started to walk by her table. And then I stopped. I looked at her and told her that I saw "the look" on her face and that I feel the same way a lot. I also told her that she's doing a great job. She looked up at me with tears in her eyes and whispered "thank you." I've been thinking about this encounter for the past week.

What would happen if moms united? What would happen if we stopped criticizing our differences and embraced the fact that we're all clawing our way through this messy journey called life? What if we looked a stranger in the eye and said "you're doing a great job?"

 (Even as I type this, I'm wrestling over how to handle my awareness that some children are neglected and/or unwanted. I don't think we should enable behaviors that result in neglect or abuse of children.)